Yes, Ma'am!

This past weekend, I had the privilege of hosting five of the US Army's best:  my nephew (a First Lieutenant Army Ranger) and four of his army buddies (of various ranks).  They were traveling from their base in California to White Sands, NM to participate in the 24th Annual/71st Commemorative Bataan Death March.  The competed in the Heavy Military division and finished in the top 4% with a race time of just over six hours!  Bear in mind, they were wearing full camouflage with boots and carrying a rather heavy pack.  The temperature in the desert was around 80 degrees F.  Outstanding result, if I do say so myself, proud aunt that I am, especially since it was the first time competing for all five of these young men.

The crew came through on Friday night and spent the night, then returned on Monday night for dinner and a night's respite.  I fed them a hearty dinner and two breakfasts during that time, and sent home two of them with doggy bags.  I love feeding people who appreciate Indonesian cooking.  :)

Here are my observations about that time with these young men (ranging in ages from 19 - 27).

1. They were extremely well mannered (as one would expect from those who serve in the military).  Every sentence began or ended with "yes, ma'am" or "thank you, ma'am" or "please, ma'am."  It was music to my ears!  NEVER ONCE did any of them call me by my first name.  They knew I was not their friend; I was an elder.
2. They were tidy; clothes and towels were not strewn all over the room.
3. They made their beds after sleeping.
4. They put their dirty dishes in the sink.
5. One of them WASHED ALL MY POTS AND PANS after breakfast.
6. They ate what was put before them, never complaining if they didn't like something, but rather were appreciative of a home cooked meal.  They never raided my refrigerator or panty without asking.  
7. They never complained that they had to sleep on the floor or the couch; they were appreciative of not having to spend what little money they had getting a hotel room.
8. Did I mention they had EXQUISITE MANNERS?!

Now, compare this list with my experience volunteering with the junior high photo session today:

1. They refused to listen to directions.
2. They sneered openly at my attempts to direct them.
3. They never failed to correct me if they thought I was incorrect.
4. They never once called me "ma'am" or thanked me or said "please."

(Can you tell that I'm a stickler for manners?)

I detest that there appear to be generations of young people that don't seem to know the meaning of the word manners.  They don't respect their elders or authority figures, and they don't respect themselves or others.  They call elders by their first names.  They think they are entitled to money and luxuries and don't believe they should work for anything.

It disgusts me and infuriates me, and I staunchly and vehemently rebel against any sort of bad behavior like that directed at me or others.  My children are embarrassed by their peers who behave badly.

So when I am surrounded by a group of tidy, well-groomed, mannerly young men like my nephew and his buddies, I feel as if I have found buried treasure.

Sad, isn't it?  That well-mannered young people should be the exception rather than the rule?  

It was an honor to serve these young men who serve our country.  They love their country, they love their families, and they would die for our freedom.

Please tell me there are others like them.

Ponder that, my friends.

Later daze...........

What Doesn't Kill You.......

......makes you stronger, or so Ms. Clarkson sings in her hit "Stronger," a personal favorite of my lovely and talented daughter.

Actually, this has been my creed pretty much all of my life.  As the daughter of two people who had to restart their lives twice in two new countries before the age of 40, I've learned that you have to "suck it up and tough it out" throughout life.  My parents made sure I learned that lesson early.

Lest I get too complacent about the blessed life I lead, having a devoted and loving husband and two healthy and intelligent children, I had a small setback in my health in late December.  Late, as in the day after Christmas.  As in I didn't get my hospital discharge until New Year's Eve.  Talk about cutting it close; I got home around 3:00 p.m. on NYE, and I had a party to attend at 7:00 p.m.!  For the record, I made it.  :)

So here I sit on my couch for the past several weeks, trying to recover from a massive hematoma that decided to take up residence in my abdomen, restricting most of my movements.  Rest and relax, the doctors have instructed.  It will take time for this menace to dissolve and for life to return to normal.  Blah, blah, blah....yeah, yeah, yeah.  I'm getting pretty sick of looking at these four walls.  I never realized how much time I DON'T spend at home until I had to spend the last few weeks at home ALL DAY.  Ugh.  Still, better to recover at home on my recliner couch than in the hospital with no freedoms, right?  And the other upside?  Coumadin is no longer part of my medical regimen.  Yay for the release from rat poison!  Apparently, the risks far outweigh the benefits.  Hmmmm.....you think?  For the girl who never, ever has had a blood clot (despite having a genetic clotting disorder), ummm....yeah, I think the risk is greater than the benefit.  For now.......

As far as the "other" rare medical condition goes, the thing about progressive diseases is you never know what's related and what's not.  A simple cold, or is it bronchitis?  Do I have pneumonia?  Am I imagining things?  It was indeed a simple cold and allergies that produced the heavy cough I had, a cough that resulted in a broken blood vessel that resulted in the abdominal hematoma.  Huh, go figure...........

The goal of treatment for progressive, incurable diseases is to arrest the progress.  Pretty obvious, right?  Arresting the progress is the goal, regression is a pipe dream.  One can hope, and there is always hope, but realistically it's normally not in the realm of possibilities.

When I was diagnosed with Pulmonary Hypertension, my pulmonary artery pressures were in the 100 - 105 range.  (I don't understand what the unit of measure is, but know whatever the unit is, normal range for a healthy person is around 25 - 30.)  Since being diagnosed in 2005, I have had a yearly echocardiogram and one follow up heart catheterization which have confirmed pulmonary pressures in the 100 - 105 range.  In 2011, after my hysterectomy, my echo indicated pressures in the 90 - 95 range.  Wait.......what?  You mean it showed a regression?  How about that?  :)  I guess that surgery was a good idea.

And now, January 2013.  I visited my cardiologist this part Friday to have my annual echocardiogram and my post-hospitalization follow up.  I'd already had a follow up with "Dr. Dracula" (my hematologist, who signed off on the release from Coumadin) and with my pulmonologist (who concurred with Drac), and now I was to have my ticker checked.

My echo technician was quite accommodating to my need to lie flat on my back and NOT on my left side (where my hematoma resides).  She assured me that she could see my heart from all necessary angles with her ultrasound wand.

She scoped.  She probed.  She scrunched her brow.  She called up my past tests.  She studied.  She made all sorts of sounds such as "Huh!" and "Hmmm....."

She finally looked at me and said, "You need to see this.  I mean.......I'm confident in my numbers, but it's pretty incredible.  Of course, we'll have to see what the doctor says, but I'm confident these are right."

She explained what the screen was showing me.  Then she called up my test from last year and the previous year.  And then she pointed to a number on the screen and said, "And that's your current pulmonary artery pressure."

I stared.  And I blinked.  And I stared some more.  And then I said, "Are you shitting me?!"

She laughed.  "No, I'm not."  And she grinned.

The screen read 50 - 55.

And now I'm standing a little taller, and my footsteps are a little lighter.

Miracles happen.  I am stronger.

Now, if I could only translate that into a winning PowerBall ticket.

Later daze............

Call Me Vanna Winkle

I'm knee deep in state marching band championship madness.

Once the 11th of November rolls around, I will be sleeping for two days to catch up.

Wake me on the 13th.  I have to take kids to school.

In the Blink of an Eye

It's a cliche, I know, but life does change in the blink of an eye.

I mentioned in my last post that several friends are going through divorces.  One couple after only 4 years; another after 11, still another after 16, and one after an unbelievable 30 years.

It's sobering to me to be surrounding by the crumbling of relationships.  Having gone through a divorce myself, I know it is heartbreaking even under the most amicable circumstances (as mine was).  Most people I know don't enter marriage with the thought, "If it doesn't work out, we'll just get a divorce."  It seems that marriage has become very disposable because of this very mindset (on the part of one or both parties), and divorces are easily attained (just ask Katie Holmes!), but in the cases of my friends, all of them believed that they would stay together until death parted them.

Someone once asked me how I managed to have a strong marriage after 21 years, and I'm not sure I answered her question adequately or to her satisfaction.  Maybe I provided a modicum of wisdom; she herself recently married again, so I think she found some comfort in my thoughts.

I told her that marriage is not supposed to be easy; love comes easily (for the most part), but marriage takes work.  It helps if the people involved share similar values and goals.  If you both respect each other, are loyal to each other, and most importantly (at least in my opinion) LIKE EACH OTHER, then your relationship has a fighting chance.

I'm wondering if in the case of my friends, if one or several of those above-mentioned characteristics ceased to exist.  The prospect saddens me.

And then there is the case of another friend, one I have not seen in a few years since she and her family moved away from next-door.  They moved to a neighboring state about seven years ago, and then just months ago moved again a bit farther away.  Thanks to Facebook, we've been able to maintain contact.  Not one to post often, I was surprised to see several posts from her today (Thursday, September 27th).  Upon closer inspection, my heart rose into my throat, threatening to choke me.

Her husband, one of the most genial, amiable people I've ever met, died suddenly on Wednesday morning.  He was only 45-years-old.  A father of two boys, aged 14 and 12, he was a devoted family man, avid sports fan (especially of his Nebraska Cornhuskers), and always ready to wield a genuine smile and helping hand.

My heart is heavy for my friend and their sons.  

So much ended.  So much loss.

All in the blink of an eye.

Later daze......

Intolerance, The Nasty Beast

Dear Blog,

I'm sorry I've been so neglectful of you.  I didn't meant to let months go by without tending to you, and for that I am remorseful.  I hope you still respond to my attention, and perhaps I will be able to nurture you from here on out.

Lately it seems as if the world I know is falling apart all around me.  Multiple friends have returned to the land of paid employment, other friends are enduring the pain of divorce, my parish (my community and spiritual ground zero) has suffered personnel departures of enormous magnitude, and the media (which I tend to ignore) blathers on and on about stupid politicians doing stupid things and getting our country into more stupid situations - and that's just on the local level.

I lament the decay that seems to have befallen my tiny world.  Perhaps I need to cease my microcosmic observations and seek to view the larger picture.  Perhaps then I would lament no more, and I would rejoice in the GOODNESS that exists out there........because I am CERTAIN goodness does exist.

Small things annoy me, and petty people annoy me, and idiocy annoys me, and I have begun to vocalize my disgust and intolerance of stupidity and insensitivity and idiocy.  I should be more accepting of others (and my own) shortcomings, but it would seem that at the age of 50, I've ceased to care if others are offended by my words or actions or prejudices.  I am comfortable with who I have become.  It is never my intention to be malicious; I simply do not understand why some things (which I believe to be common sensical), appear to be beyond the capability of some people.

For example, why is it that some parents at the grade school seem incapable of parking their car and walking their kids into the school (or even dropping off their kids at the drop-off curb and letting the child walk into school alone).  Instead, they pull into the parking lot and BLOCK THE HANDICAPPED SPOTS while they have to watch little Suzie cross the parking lot and enter the school, thereby blocking others who would like to park there (and who are LEGALLY ENTITLED to park there), and causing traffic to backup for 1/2 mile behind them.  Or, when they DO park, they park across the street and then proceed to JAYWALK through heavy traffic with their preschooler/primary grade schooler WITHOUT waiting for drivers to acknowledge them.  Really?!  Or here's the kicker:  while waiting in traffic that is trying to enter the school parking lot, they encourage their children to exit the car and run through traffic and across the busy parking lot so that they can get to school.  *face palm*

And why is it that some people seem incapable of responding to a party/meeting/gathering/WEDDING invitation until it's too late (or not at all) and then they expect it's okay to just show up?

Since when did it become socially acceptable to shout into your cell phone while waiting in the doctor's waiting room and then become offended because someone from the medical staff asks you to take your phone call outside?

Why are some people compelled to stand in the grocery store check-out line and chit chat with the cashier long after their groceries have been purchased while there are six people behind them waiting to pay for their milk and ice cream and ground beef and potatoes and who need to get home and quickly throw together dinner before their kids go off to their evening activities?

I mean, is it just grouchy old me, or is the general public getting more STUPID and incapable of grasping simple concepts like courtesy, politeness, respect for self and others?

Have I become the nasty beast?

Food for rumination, my trusty friend/s.

Later daze......

Numb

No, nothing tragic happened.

I wish I could say that I haven't written here in quite some time because I've been busy, or won the lottery and have been entertaining the press and sundry hangers-on, or been vacationing in the tropics.  To be honest, I haven't written because..........I haven't wanted to write.  It's all because.........

Menopause SUCKS.

There.  I said it.  It SUCKS.  It's been nearly a year since my surgery, and while the hot flashes have subsided somewhat, and the mood swings have dissipated to some extent, they return just when I'm least expecting them.  They have ninja moves, and I loathe them.

There is no easy way to get through this; one must simply gut it out.

And I'm not the most patient person I know.

My dear friend Laura and I were discussing this a few days ago.  I asked her when was the last time she felt pure joy, and we BOTH had to ponder that for several minutes.  Then, we both came to the conclusion that each of us only felt joy when it came to reveling in the accomplishments of our respective children (all teenagers at this point).

Sad, n'est-ce pas?  Or maybe not.

I don't know.  I suppose this is normal for peri- and post-menopausal women of a certain age with children of a certain age.

It's no secret to anyone who knows me well that I'm........well, a sensitive, crying kind of person. But as my friend Lisa says, menopause could be manageable if it weren't for the damn crying!  Crying for no reason, for ANY reason, at ANY TIME.

Yeah, like I said, menopause SUCKS.

I'm not singing (much), but I have started to listen to music again (thanks to a replacement iPod), and that helps alleviate some of the mood swings.  And before someone comments, NO, I canNOT take hormones, and no, I really don't want to try anti-depressants.

I'm not averse to using them, and I don't think taking them makes a person weak.  I just believe I take too many pills as it is.  In fact, I choose to use adult gummy vitamins just so I don't have to swallow more pills.

A person can choose to be happy versus wallowing in pity; I believe that.

To an extent.

I also believe that that adage was more likely penned by someone who has testicles.

Later daze, y'all.........

A Message for Someone Specific

I'm very sorry for your loss.  I hope you find peace in your heart soon.

They Said It Might Not Last....

....but it has.


You've made me laugh; you've made me cry. I've screamed in anger, and I've howled with joy. You've driven me to the emergency room on countless occasions, and you've driven me to distraction frequently. You've stayed by my bedside when I was ill, and you've stayed by my side always. You've given me incredible kids, and you've given me the best years of my life. Twenty-one years ago, you gave me your promise, and I gave you mine. Happy Anniversary, babe. I love you to infinity and beyond.

The "I Can't Think of Anything Else to Write" Post (AKA, A Meme)

1. What is the origin of your first name? What about any nicknames?

That's a good question; I'm not really sure what the origin of my full name is.  I know that the second half of my name (I have a double name, sorta like AnneMarie) was my mother's birth mother's name.  Or her grandmother's name.  Something like that.

2. Have you any claims to fame?

I've been published several times in a national magazine that is no longer in production.

3. If you were famous, how would you introduce yourself to someone who had never heard of you?

"Hi, my name is Desert Songbird."  

4. Which of your country's achievements do you hold in highest regard?

Uh......hmm.....I've never really contemplated that.

5. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A rock star.

6. What was your most prized possession as a child? Do you still have it?

I don't remember, so that probably means, no, I don't still have it.

7. What would you change about yourself, if you could?

My love of procrastination.

8. With what are you obsessed?

Right now, I'm obsessed with adopting a dog.  Not able to have one, but I want one.

9. What is your greatest achievement so far, or the high point of your career?

My greatest achievement in life will always be my intelligent, healthy, and happy children.

10. When/where were you happiest?

I am happiest at the ocean, sitting with my toes in the sand, listening to nature's music.

The happiest days of my life were when each of my children was born. 

11. And the lowest point in your life thus far?

The day my mother died, the day my father died, and the day I realized my first marriage was a farce.

12. What was the best decision you ever made?

Becoming a stay-at-home mom.

13. If you have any body modifications, which was most painful, or which do you regret the most? If you haven't got any, do you have any planned, or would you ever consider getting any?

I wish I could have my breasts reduced by about two cup sizes.

14. What is the most idiotic thing you have ever done while intoxicated?

I plead the Fifth.  I'm sure you can fill in the blank.

15. What is your favorite joke?

The one where I laugh the loudest and longest.

16. What is the coolest/most impressive thing you own?

I'm a suburban mom who drives a mini-van.  Pretty much everything I have is cool to me, but probably not to anyone else, and you know what?  I don't care.  

17. When did you last cry, and why?

I cry on a daily basis about everything and nothing; I'm going through menopause.

18. What's the best piece of advice you've ever had?

I've received lots of great advice; I can't say I remember the best one.

19. Similarly, what's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for you?

Been a true friend to me.

20. Have you any vices?

Far too many.

21. Do you regret anything?

Sure, but being regretful is wasteful.  Time to move forward.

22. What is the best invention ever?

The next new convenience.

23. How would you describe your relationship with your family?

Which family? With my husband and children?  I have a close, loving relationship with them.  With my sisters?  I love them, but I don't like some of them very much.  Still, I stand by them through good times and bad.  They're my blood.

24. Who is your biggest inspiration?

My biggest inspirations will forever by my parents.