A Loss of Faith
If you've been around here any length of time, you know that I am a regular chuchgoer. I have a deep faith in God, and while I choose to follow an organized religion, I respect the right of others to either not do so or to worship in whatever shape or form is comfortable for them.
But it's not a loss of faith in God to which I am referring in my title; I'm referring to an even greater loss. It is the loss of faith in self.
How difficult it must be to summon the courage finally, finally to make a huge change in one's life, thinking that no longer will you settle for things but have the true happiness you think you deserve, only to take the leap and find oneself falling, endlessly, in a deep chasm. How taking the leap and not landing as hoped must shake one's faith in self.
I can't imagine the pain.
See, I've never really taken large leaps. I'm not a risk taker. I take the safe road, or at least, for the most part, I am. I took some stupid risks in my early 20s (as many do), but most of the time, I am a middle-of-the road traveler through Life. The couple of times I took some risks, they started to bite me in the ass quickly, so I pulled back. Early enough, thankfully, that I landed back on my feet on solid ground.
I am a survivor, but mostly because I'm not a risk taker. Is that a good thing? I don't know. What I do know is this:
I couldn't agree more. For my friend who is suffering through a crisis of self, for my mother-in-law who is scared for herself, for my sister whose best friend's husband just passed away - I'm tired of all this sadness.
Please, God, just give us a break.
12 who succumbed to the siren's call:
I'm not much of a risk taker myself, either. I think it's the fear of rejection or failure. Unfortunately, it's probably kept me from some pretty great things in life.
My heart goes out to you and your family. I'm sure things will lighten up, Songbird. I'll be thinking of you.
It sure does feel like it has been a rough year for a lot of us. I just try to keep in my life is a wheel. What goes down must come up.
I used to be a big risk taker. I liked it too, but that's another story.
It seems sadness runs in cycles. Hopefully your cycle of sadness will end shortly, as will your friends.
Big hug honey. :)
I took a risk two years ago. I didn't realize at the time that I was taking a risk. I didn't wake up that day and say, I'm taking a risk today.
It just sort of happened.
And it has worked out for me. I realize that I didn't really have much choice but to take the risk. I was hooked before I had the time to back up.
I don't regret what happened or how it happened.
I'm doing my best to support my friend who has taken a risk and come up so incredibly short of what she wanted. I hope for the best for her, that she can heal.
It's not easy taking that big leap when you are uncertain of the outcome. But as you said, you need to have faith in yourself, which I don't seem to have at the moment.
I tend to play it safe, which means I don't jump when I often should (but it also means I don't jump when I shouldn't).
All the sadness gets to me, too.
I am so sorry that you're in a valley right now. My heart goes out to you...
~~~Blessings~~~
I'm not a risk taker either. Very conservative, hide my head in the sand most of the time :)
Hope this post was cathartic and you're feeling better. Believe me, I feel sad and blue and down lots of times. More than I should, I really do have so much to be thankful for.
Hang in there, and know I'm thinking of you and your MIL, you guys are on my prayer list.
{{{hugs}}}
Amen
maybe it's worse, tho.. to Never take the leap.
(As you can tell -- this is a thought process going on in my life right now too.)
heavy sigh. me too God. me too.
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