Happy Birthday to Me

Go ahead; hoist a cold one for me.

Tell me, do I look 47 years old? Truly? Go on, you can be honest.

It's All I Can Do

So, I kinda freaked out my oldest sister with my post about suffering new symptoms and having to go to mulitiple doctors again. Sigh. I didn't mean to alarm anyone. I was having dizzy spells (apparently, a possible side effect of the stomach medication I was taking). I decided to stop taking the drugs to see if my stomach could handle it and bingo! Not much change in the nausea, and the dizziness has pretty much disappeared. I'm still bloated and belching, but I think it's from edema, so I'm trying to get that damn fluid the hell outta there. That's what I get for being cavalier about my sodium intake.

Then I was having increased shortness of breath ("SOB" - don'tcha love that abbreviation?) and chest and back pains. I consulted my cardiologist who didn't believe I was having a heart attack, but he thought my Pulmonary Hypertension might be progressing.

Shit.

So, this Thursday I'm having a nuclear stress test and another echocardiogram.

As Murphy would have it, I had been suffering from the chest pains and stuff for several days, so when I finally talked to my general practitioner, who got me into the cardiologist the following day, and then got the aforementioned tests scheduled, what do you think happened next?

You guessed it. Over the weekend, my chest and back pains disappeared, and my breathing improved.

I'm sure by now you might be thinking that I'm a hypochondriac, and I wouldn't blame you, but I swear things were near the point that I was ready to make a trip to the ER at my favorite hospital, and you all know how much I LOOOOOOOOVE the hospital. *snort*

So do I keep the appointment for the tests? Oh, and do I have the other test that my hematologist wants me to get to check for (unlikely) blood clots?

Yeah, I guess I will. It couldn't hurt, right? And maybe, just maybe, they'll discover that my condition is NOT deteriorating, and things are stable and fine.

One can dream, right?

Oh, and tomorrow is a special day on the Songbird calendar. Can you guess? Anyone? Bueller?

Manic Monday - Snow

Don't forget to click HERE to find links to other Manic Monday posts

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If you are a regular reader of The Ice Box, you know that I have a wonderful relationship with my parents-in-law. I love them dearly, and I truly enjoy spending time with them. I would point out, however, that hubby and I do NOT spend time with them at their house during months of October through April. Because, frankly, we'd rather be here:

...than here (taken in December 2002, the LAST time we traveled as a family to Ohio in winter).


Yeah, snow and I do not get along. The only time I like snow is when I can crush it with my downhill skis.

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Where In The World Is...

...Carmen Sandiego? Well, I have no clue where she is, but I've been ill (AGAIN - ARGH!). The symptoms with which I won't bore you; I'm sure you're all sick of hearing about them, although I will say these are a new set of ailments. Lovely.

I'll be away for a while longer whilst the physicians figure out what to do with me. In the meantime, ignore the well-meaning blogger friend who proclaimed my natal anniversary today. I appreciate the thoughts, but he was a week early!

Later daze, y'all...

Manic Monday - Office

Click HERE for links to more Manic Monday posts

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When I was a child in school, I was a goody-goody. I never got in trouble, I earned straight As, and I always followed the rules. Consequently, I never saw the inside of the Principal's Office. That is, until one spring day in the third grade.

There was a mean girl in my class who liked to bully other kids who were smarter than she was. She didn't like smart kids, and since I got excellent grades, she pretty much hated me. One day, she teased me unmercifully all morning long. At lunchtime, I finally got fed up and called her a pig in Dutch. Now that's not so bad, right? Except to someone unfamiliar with the Dutch language, and to an eight year old, it sounded like a four letter word. Like the F-bomb.

So, she ratted on me to the teacher. And guess where little ol' me, Miss Goody Two Shoes, ended up? Yup, the Principal's Office. I was mortified, but none more so than when they made me sit there and wait for my mother to come and hear the lecture. Since my mother didn't drive, waiting for her to make the one mile walk from home felt like an eternity.

Now you'd think that my mother would have brought the hammer down on me, right? Well, in the quiet of the Principal's Office, she was deferential and apologetic. She demanded from me that I apologize to the teacher and the offended girl, which I did (much to my horror), and then she went home. When I got home, she chuckled and told me that the next time I chose to call someone a name in Dutch, to pick my word a bit more carefully. Then she smiled and left it at that.

Whew!

Oh, and I never saw the inside of the Principal's Office again, at least not for disciplinary reasons.

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One final note, congratulations to the Arizona Cardinals, the unlikeliest of National Football Conference Champions. The Cards are going to the SUPER BOWL!!!!!! (Man, this city is going BERSERK!)

Cardinals DE Bertrand Berry celebrates with the NFC trophy
photo: Arizona Republic

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Who I Was; Who I Will Become

Over the last few weeks, The Engineer and I have been doing some cleaning and purging of closets and rooms in anticipation of his parents' arrival some time in March. I've been looking through old photographs and letters, trying to decide what's important and why I wanted to keep them.

I came across a note card addressed to me, written by my own hand, and postmarked 20 October 2004. The card was unopened.

I read it, and my brains was assaulted by dozens of thoughts, both positive and negative. A corresponding turmoil began in my stomach, and my head began to spin just ever so slightly.

This all lasted but a minute, but it began again last night as I was watching the Dennis Quaid movie The Rookie. (It's based on the real life story of Jim Morris, a Texas science teacher who at the age of 35 made his Major League Baseball debut as a relief pitcher for the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.)

What's the connection?

Less than two weeks away from my 47th birthday, I was confronted by my own words. They made me take an appraising look at myself. And ponder things yet to come.

"25 September 04

Daughter of God,

Today you weep for things undone, unsaid, unfinished. But beginning today, you will laugh and fill joy in your soul again because you ARE LOVED. Be proud of who you once were and who you are now. You are and will always be - blessed by love."

Manic Monday - Cell

Find links to other Manic Monday posts HERE

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Speaking of manic, I'm feeling that way tonight because I can't think of a single thing to post for this. My brain is acting like a single-cell creature, and I've lost the capacity for original thought. I hope it's temporary. It should be.

Soooooo, in order to generate some comments from you lovely people who took the time to visit here, I offer up this photo (AGAIN) for your captioning ideas. (I say AGAIN because it seems to have been overlooked in an earlier post.) I know these creatures are pink because of the food they ingest, so that makes it a circulatory thing, not a cellular thing, right?

Anyway, caption away! (To those who submitted captions last week, thank you very much. Your input is greatly appreciated. *smile*)

Wearing my Faith on My Sleeve

I don't often talk at length about my faith or how I live and grow it, but today I thought I would share this article that I wrote about three years back. It's loosely related to my post of December 31st, so I post this not only to gather your comments but to remind myself of how blessed I am in the relationships I have both in my 3D life and in my virtual life. Sadly, the below mentioned faith sharing group dissolved about a year after this article was published, but their impact on my life was profound nonetheless.

If spiritual development is not your cup of tea, don't feel badly about passing on this post. I promise I won't feel offended. *smile*

This article is copyright The Word Among Us magazine with permission granted to reproduce for my personal use.

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“I have a very blessed life.”

My breakfast companion, Julie, looked over at me with incredulity. “How can you say that?” she asked, knowing the summer I had just experienced and what lay ahead. June started with my husband being laid off for the fourth time, and just weeks earlier, I had been diagnosed with a very serious and potentially life-threatening disease.

“Because it’s true,” I replied. “I know that God loves me and protects me, but whenever I forget that, I have wonderful friends whose love and support remind me that God will never let me down.”

This circle of friends are part of my faith sharing group, a group of women who meet monthly to pray, read Scripture, laugh, share stories of hope, and encourage other as we grow in our roles as daughters, wives, and mothers. In learning more about ourselves, we deepen our relationships with our families and with Christ. These groups exist at churches throughout the nation, providing women a sacred place to meet other women who are mothers, professionals, divorced, or women seeking healing after abortion; a place where they can study Scripture, pray, and support each other through the sharing of their faith.

Women join these groups because they are newly divorced, new to a parish or city and seeking friends with shared values, or because they are seeking a closer relationship with God. Like many women, before my children were born, I took my faith and its development for granted. As a “cradle Catholic,” I attended mass and sort of absorbed my faith from the atmosphere around me, not really taking any measures to make it grow by tending to it. Motherhood signaled the advent of a new era when it came to faith formation. I suspended my career plans to stay at home full-time with my daughter, and suddenly I felt alone and adrift. I had no family near me, and I didn’t even know my neighbors. I needed to feel part of a community, but more importantly, my husband and I both needed to be able to know more about our faith in order to pass it on to our children. We wanted to give our children the same spiritual foundation that had been given to us by our parents.

I decided to join a faith sharing group and, suddenly, I realized that my life was filled with not only the miracles and challenges of raising a child, but a new appreciation of God’s presence in my every day life. Nine years and two children later, the wonderment of discovering the extraordinary in the ordinary (i.e, finding God in the small details of life) continues to fill me with joy. Chatting with gal pals about girl stuff is fun, but faith sharing in a group with women who are all seeking inspiration that will strengthen their relationship with God is a different experience all together, one that, once experienced, is not easily forgone. Faith sharing groups differ from a coffee klatch or a mothers’ play group in that the purpose of gathering is to pray and share together. The members of the group grow closer together as they grow in their relationship with God because Christ is at the center of the gathering.

I knew what this bonding and sharing meant to me, but I was curious to see if this experience, entered by others for a myriad of reasons, evoked the same feelings in others.

We Need to Share our Stories

My friend Ruth says that women feel the need to share their stories. Even during informal chats, women will, inevitably, talk to each other about what’s happening in their lives, often without seeking answers to problems. In a faith sharing group, however, the level of sharing is deeper, and women will share details that oftentimes they have never shared with their closest friend or spouse. We gather as mothers, divorce survivors, or victims of abuse, hoping to find peace and comfort among those who will not judge us. Because we gather in a comfortable environment, and we have a mutual understanding of confidentiality, we are able to share on a deeper level; we recognize that Christ is part of the group because He is present in each person there. Missy tells me that since joining her two faith sharing groups, her life has a richness and fullness that she had not experienced before. The friendships she has made with the women in her groups are more meaningful because they have the shared bond of a love of God. Missy goes on to say that her friends have helped her heal from the anger she had felt over her father’s abandonment in her teen years.

We Seek Affirmation

Women so often take a backseat role in relationships, sacrificing self for the purpose of uplifting the other person. In a faith sharing group, we look for an appreciation of our individual self. We want to know that we have value and worth; we want to build our self-esteem. In a faith sharing group, we gather in a sacred place and are reassured that we are, as Patricia Mitchell and Bill Bawden’s book calls us, a “beloved daughter of God.” (Living as a Beloved Daughter of God, The Word Among us Press, 2005.) Mitchell and Bawden wrote, “Members (of faith sharing groups) support and affirm one another by sharing their insights about challenges they face at their homes, work, and spiritual lives. In doing so, they cultivate lasting friendships with other parishioners, have fun, and learn from one another.” Jeannie told me that her Catholicism and Christianity took on more value when she joined her faith sharing group. Being a part of a group that prays together, values each other, and recognizes the presence of God in their lives has helped her to see how integral a part God plays in her life, and she feels loved and cherished by Him.

We Seek Communion with Others Who Believe

Ena tells me that, at 42, she is the youngest in her prayer group of women, where the average age is somewhere around 75. She says that she loves being and sharing with these women because they are a testimony of living a faith-filled life. They have faced adversity and tragedies, and still they believe that Christ is their Savior and firmly at the center of their lives. She sees them as role models and values their wisdom and companionship.

After the fallout of the televangelists of the 80s, many of us are cynical and skeptical of those who proclaim they are “born again” and are hesitant to express any utterance that might be construed as hypocritical. We tire of trying to figure out if this friend or that neighbor might think we are strange or weird if talk about a grace-filled moment. We want to connect with other Christian women and know that we share common values; we want to know that when we gather in a place to share our stories, we are accepted unconditionally and without judgment and that what we share will be kept in strictest confidence.

We Look for Peace Amidst the Chaos

When we have directed sharing, such as with a bible study course or journaling exercises, we can channel our thoughts, and our discussions have purpose. They guide us to a closer relationship with ourselves, each other, and with God. Several members of my faith sharing group love the book Living as a Beloved Daughter of God not just because it has catechism and scripture references, but also because the journal exercises help them relate those readings with their day-to-day lives. They like that they can carry the book with them and use it while waiting at their kids’ soccer practice or in the doctor’s waiting rooms, and then disclose their thoughts with their faith sharing friends.

Steven Covey wrote, “The more deeply you understand other people, …the more reverent you will feel about them. To touch the soul of another human being is to walk on holy ground.” (Daily Reflections for Highly Effective People, Fireside Books, 1994.) As members of a faith sharing group, you begin to see Christ in each other and, indeed, in all humans as you journey together seeking His presence. It is the ability to see Christ’s presence not only in ourselves but also in each other that allows us to communicate at such an intimate level, and that is the ultimate reward of “belonging” to a faith sharing group. In full communion with Christ, we allow ourselves to be open and loved as we partake of the love of others.

Which Mystic Gemstone Are You? and Other Assorted Stuff

I came across this at Mary the Teach's blog (Work of the Poet), and I thought it might right my ship after my weird, disturbing dream.

It's a quiz that you take to find out what gemstone is like your personality. Here's my result:

You Scored as Amethyst
Like the healing and symbolic properties of the amethyst you have a strong and clear mind. Blessed with an inner calm and peace you are not one to break and fall mentally. Being such a clear minded person, assuming you are one ;-), you may possibly have some strong psychic links.

Go HERE to take the quiz yourself.

Okay, well...hmmmm...I think I have a strong mind, and I try to cultivate an inner peace, so I guess I agree. I freak out a bit at first whenever something rocks my world, but I quickly get over it and move on. Soooooo, I suppose this might be somewhat accurate.

As for the psychic links, I don't usually talk about those, but I've been known to have a connection or two...

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Thanks everyone for your input into my dream episode yesterday. I don't usually remember my dreams, but this one kinda packed a wallop. The content of said nocturnal filmscape is unimportant, but I can tell you that it took the better part of the day to bring me around to what constitutes as normal for me, or near enough to function, that is.

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Mags from Miss Maggie Moo Talks 2 U and chef extraordinaire has opened a new online Etsy store, Fleur de Lis Catering. If you're interested in purchasing a decadent rum cake, lemon friendship cake, or some other indulgence, click HERE and visit her store. You won't be disappointed!

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And now, for no reason whatsoever except that I can, I present this for your caption ideas:


Later daze...

Lost in a Dream World

What are dreams?

Is it one's subconscious trying to speak? Speak in a quiet whisper to assure you that things are not as they seem?

A voice that speaks loudly enough to wake you from a deep slumber?

A voice that screams in it's intensity and shakes the very core of one's sense of stability?

I'm not sure.

But whatever or whoever it is, I wish he'd shut the hell up.

Manic Monday - Sale

Click HERE for links to other Manic Monday posts

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One day last week, my daughter and I had some quality mother-daughter time. We did something I actually loathe, though - we went shopping. She had a slew of gift cards to spend (including a couple from her birthday last February!), so we started the day at Starbucks having a hot chocolate (her) and a caramel spiced apple cider (me). Then it was off to hit the sales.

We even went to my favorite store, the one that will actually entice and lure me inside, where I will happily spend hours perusing and sighing. Those of you who read my blog with any regularity will know what store this is. Yes, that's right: DSW Shoes.

Would you believe that even with racks and racks of sale and clearance items of up to 70% (and in rare cases, 80%) off, I could not find a single pair of shoes to buy?!

Whodda thunk?

I guess miracles DO happen!

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More Food in the Box

Okay, so all y'all know about my photo blog, my Project 365 blog that is HERE.

Now that 2008 is over, I've decided that I'm done with Project 365. My Ice Box Project 365 is complete through December 31, 2008; now I will share my photos, both new and from my archives, on a new blog.

You can find my new photo blog HERE.

Follow me!