One entry on my placard, written by a woman teacher who has two young children, said, "You are the mother I aspire to be."
And that got me thinking.
I'm not saying I shortchange myself in the motherhood department; at least, not as of this writing. ;-) Most of the time, I recognize my abilities and my shortcomings, and either strive to do better or admit that I'm not super mom and do the best I can on any given situation. This affirmation by a this woman, however, gave me pause for thought, and I wondered how I measured up by my own standards.
What I do: I buy cupcakes from the grocery store the night the morning of an party or birthday recognition at school.
Other mothers: Go to Krispy Kreme and get fresh, hot-off-the-rack donuts.
What I do: I sit in the stands in 109 degree temperatures, watching and cheering my daughter and the rest of the high school marching band as they perform during halftime of the football game.
Other mothers: Sit in the band section and walk up and down the stands as they serve water to the band kids, making sure they stay hydrated.
What I do: I drive two hours to watch an out-of-town marching band competition in the pouring rain, returning home around 11:00 p.m.
Other mothers: Load equipment trucks, ride the school bus with dozens of rowdy teenagers to the competition, haul equipment around the performance field, and reload equipment trucks afterwards, arriving back at the school well after midnight.
What I do: Work at the concession stand at a basketball game (inside in a temperature-controlled environment) when it fits into my schedule.
Other mothers: Work at the concession stand of football games (in the heat) and at volleyball AND basketball games, sometimes several times a week.
What I do: Stay up to midnight, helping to type up band competition programs days before the program is due at the printer.
Other mothers: Load equipment trucks, ride the school bus with dozens of rowdy teenagers to the competition, haul equipment around the performance field, and reload equipment trucks afterwards, arriving back at the school well after midnight.
Initially I looked at my contributions versus what others have done, and I truly felt as if I didn't pull my weight. I'm not the only mother who has more than one child, and I'm certainly NOT the only mother who has to get dinner on the table while getting each child to their respective extracurricular activities while also ensuring that homework is completed and housework is as well. Still, I felt inadequate to my friend Laura, who, like me, is a stay-at-home mom and full-time volunteer. She does many of the "other mother" duties I described above, and I feel like she does more than double what I do.
She did, however, stress to me that many times what I see as "settling" on my part is actually the maximum that I'm able to do, given my physical challenges. True, my current course of medicines has increased my breathing ability and energy levels to near normal, but the truth of the matter is, I still DO have limitations. Walking up and down the football stands in extreme heat, repeatedly, would probably be tempting fate for me.
And for the sake of "measuring up," it's just not a risk I'm willing to take.
So, I will continue to drive to the high school at dismissal time each afternoon, giving rides home to anyone that will fit in my minivan (usually other band kids and one choir kid); I'll continue to volunteer for computer work that I can do from the comfort of my own bed; and I'll continue to work in the grade school office three times weekly as a volunteer photocopier, filer, and phone answerer.
And I'll remind myself that my teenage daughter still thinks I'm "cool," and my 'tween son still thinks I'm "the best mama in the entire universe."
And I'll be more than okay with that.
