They Said It Might Not Last....

....but it has.


You've made me laugh; you've made me cry. I've screamed in anger, and I've howled with joy. You've driven me to the emergency room on countless occasions, and you've driven me to distraction frequently. You've stayed by my bedside when I was ill, and you've stayed by my side always. You've given me incredible kids, and you've given me the best years of my life. Twenty-one years ago, you gave me your promise, and I gave you mine. Happy Anniversary, babe. I love you to infinity and beyond.

The "I Can't Think of Anything Else to Write" Post (AKA, A Meme)

1. What is the origin of your first name? What about any nicknames?

That's a good question; I'm not really sure what the origin of my full name is.  I know that the second half of my name (I have a double name, sorta like AnneMarie) was my mother's birth mother's name.  Or her grandmother's name.  Something like that.

2. Have you any claims to fame?

I've been published several times in a national magazine that is no longer in production.

3. If you were famous, how would you introduce yourself to someone who had never heard of you?

"Hi, my name is Desert Songbird."  

4. Which of your country's achievements do you hold in highest regard?

Uh......hmm.....I've never really contemplated that.

5. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A rock star.

6. What was your most prized possession as a child? Do you still have it?

I don't remember, so that probably means, no, I don't still have it.

7. What would you change about yourself, if you could?

My love of procrastination.

8. With what are you obsessed?

Right now, I'm obsessed with adopting a dog.  Not able to have one, but I want one.

9. What is your greatest achievement so far, or the high point of your career?

My greatest achievement in life will always be my intelligent, healthy, and happy children.

10. When/where were you happiest?

I am happiest at the ocean, sitting with my toes in the sand, listening to nature's music.

The happiest days of my life were when each of my children was born. 

11. And the lowest point in your life thus far?

The day my mother died, the day my father died, and the day I realized my first marriage was a farce.

12. What was the best decision you ever made?

Becoming a stay-at-home mom.

13. If you have any body modifications, which was most painful, or which do you regret the most? If you haven't got any, do you have any planned, or would you ever consider getting any?

I wish I could have my breasts reduced by about two cup sizes.

14. What is the most idiotic thing you have ever done while intoxicated?

I plead the Fifth.  I'm sure you can fill in the blank.

15. What is your favorite joke?

The one where I laugh the loudest and longest.

16. What is the coolest/most impressive thing you own?

I'm a suburban mom who drives a mini-van.  Pretty much everything I have is cool to me, but probably not to anyone else, and you know what?  I don't care.  

17. When did you last cry, and why?

I cry on a daily basis about everything and nothing; I'm going through menopause.

18. What's the best piece of advice you've ever had?

I've received lots of great advice; I can't say I remember the best one.

19. Similarly, what's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for you?

Been a true friend to me.

20. Have you any vices?

Far too many.

21. Do you regret anything?

Sure, but being regretful is wasteful.  Time to move forward.

22. What is the best invention ever?

The next new convenience.

23. How would you describe your relationship with your family?

Which family? With my husband and children?  I have a close, loving relationship with them.  With my sisters?  I love them, but I don't like some of them very much.  Still, I stand by them through good times and bad.  They're my blood.

24. Who is your biggest inspiration?

My biggest inspirations will forever by my parents.

Once a mother......

......always a mother, and to children not even your own.

There are things I just don't do:  I don't answer the front door when the doorbell rings and I'm home alone, and I don't answer the phone when we're sitting down to dinner.  I might check Caller ID to see who's calling, but I don't answer it.

Unless..........

You know that feeling of dread you get when the phone rings at 2:00 in the morning?  Well, it wasn't 2:00 a.m., but rather 6:15 p.m., right as I'm taking my third bite of dinner.  As I said, I don't usually answer unless it's family, but the Caller ID announced that it was a fellow band parent, someone to whom I do not speak often.  Which made her call during dinner something to make my arms prickle with that, "Uh oh......" feeling.

Even my daughter looked at me with a bit of alarm evident in her eyes.

"Songbird?  Hi, it's Susan.  I'm sorry to call during dinner, but do you know if there was something going on after school with band?  My son said he had something to do with the band, and I was supposed to pick up him at school at 5:30, but I had an emergency here at home, and I haven't been able to leave here.  I can't seem to find anyone who knows where Will is!"

We live five minutes from the high school; Susan lives 30 minutes away.  And because as you can imagine, NO ONE associated with the band with whom Susan and I spoke knew anything about any band activity taking place after school, you better believe my daughter and I jumped in the car and drove up to the school promptly to look for Will.  We also cruised through the neighborhood, checking out the park in case he was there with his girlfriend.

Fortunately, we found Will at school.  It's somewhat of a convoluted answer as to why he didn't call his mom, and why she couldn't get to him, but it made my heart swell with relief when I pulled into the parking lot and saw him standing outside, looking for his mom.  I threw the car into park, ran over to him, and gave him a huge bear hug.

I'm a mom.  And my heart will constrict with fear for any of my children's friends who are not where they are supposed to be:  safe at home.

Once a mother, always a mother.

A Half Century of Perspective

It's been far too long, I know, and now here are two posts within a week.  Shocking, n'est-ce pas?  I doubt that many of you are left out there, ready with your quick quip or snarky response.  I must admit that of late, my love affair with the repartee has been lacking.  I can't seem to grasp a thought long enough to commit it to the printed word.

I've abandoned my songwriting, my novel, and even my journals.  I am drifting like a sailboat without sails or guidance.

That's not to say that I'm going through a depression or a mid-life crisis.  Indeed, I am enjoying unprecedented contentment in my domestic life.  Post-surgery (to remove my "lady universe"), however, has left me bereft of much of the emotional gamut.  I tend to drift from "okay" to bouts of "blah."  My visits to the land of bland are short-lived, thankfully.  Early evenings, I can be found sitting under a ceiling fan, wearing a t-shirt and shorts while the family is huddled under blankets.  Ahhhh......the joys of menopause......

I share with you today some observations I have made from my 50-year-old perspective, ones made in the one area where I experience my greatest joys:  the parking lot and driving zones of the local grade school.  I suppose my snark comes from incredulity; I've noticed that lately people around me have been exhibiting a clear lack of common sense.  As an 11-year veteran of the local grade school, I've witnessed many bone-headed moves, but this year tops all.

• I dread every new school year because newcomers don't know how to navigate the parking lot and drop off zone.  Usually the newbies are assimilated within days, but this year we seem to have an abundance of Borg resistors.  These lovely folks insist on blocking the handicapped spots by pulling parallel to them to drop off their children.  They do this regardless of whether or not said parking spaces are occupied or empty.  When attempting to pull into them, I am forced to honk my horn repeatedly, and then am met with rude gestures or looks of incredulity.  As if I'M the one in the wrong.  Their children are unusually slow in their disembarking routine, too.  If I am in the parking slot and am attempting to pull out, they refuse to move to allow my movement, claiming that their child "will be here ANY SECOND."  Yeah, right......
• Some people are in such a hurry to drop off their children, while stopped in the turn lane leading into the school, they will encourage their children to jump out of the car, dodge traffic, and run through the parking lot so that they themselves can avoid the drop off zone.  They will also play bumper cars (with me!) to "encourage" me to move forward, regardless of the fact that traffic is stopped.
• Apparently the 15 mph signs indicating a school zone are only for those of us that actually have children in the car being dropped at the specified school.  All others can race through at a minimum of 15 miles OVER the speed limit.  Who knew?
• Also, apparently drivers in a hurry to make that early morning meeting at work are also exempt from stopping for the crossing guard once s/he is past their lane, regardless of the law that says a driver must stop as long as the guard is in the crosswalk with their STOP sign raised.  Who knew?
• Apparently, it is common sense to talk on one's cell phone while driving in the school parking lot and school zones surrounding the school.  Who knew?
• Apparently, it's okay to park in non-designated parking spots, tying up traffic both into and out of the school because this is the ONLY place where one's child can find his/her parent.  Who knew?
• Apparently, it's okay to stop traffic so that one can pass a note to one's own child who is walking home from school with his/her friends.  Who knew?
• Apparently, it's okay to stop traffic exiting the school to pick up one's child who has decided that she does NOT want to wait along the designated drop-off/pick-up zone and proceeds to wait for her parent by the exit.  Who knew?

And finally, apparently it's okay to disobey all of the other traffic laws and school rules, because they exist ONLY for OTHER PEOPLE'S kids.  Who knew?

Later daze...........

The Making of a High Schooler's Mom - A Retrospective

I had a milestone birthday a few weeks ago.  Yes, I will admit out loud:  I am now 50 years old.  It's a difficult concept around which to wrap my grey matter; I mean, I still have very vivid memories of being a teenager, and not all of them were bad!  I relive my teen years every day when I spend time with my daughter asking about her day, commiserating about tough teachers, and laughing about the antics of her friends.

My daughter.  My lovely first born.  She who will be 16 years old in two days, is possessed of lush dark hair down to her waist, a figure built for sin, a singing voice that could rival the angels, and a gentle heart that will make you weep.  Her first year and a half of high school has transformed her from child to young woman, and she has journeyed unscathed through the vitriol and pettiness that is rampant in the halls of a secondary educational facility.

I have learned some things about myself, watching my child's metamorphosis.

• I was not nearly as confident as a high school freshman as my daughter was, and as sophomore, I was even less self-possessed.  I know my husband and I made the best decision when we decided NOT to seek job opportunities that would uproot us and take our daughter away from this school.  While some would see her nine years in the same grade school as a detriment, I know that keeping her in the "cocoon" as long as I did helped her.  Her chrysalis gave her time to mature into the self-possessed person she is today.  The transformation is not complete, of course, but it is well established.  I do not bubble wrap my children, but I do support and encourage.  
• I cannot protect my children from heartache.  While I have a tendency to be overly protective, I think most parents would like to spare their offspring from hurt and pain, especially the emotionally kind.  Then again, those things that give us pain are those that teach us great things about ourselves and others.  I just wish my daughter's stellar first year of high school could have ended on a high instead of a low.
• My time-out trip to Florida last year was very necessary for my physical and emotional recharging, and it forced my kids to look to their father for some of the "emotionally propping up" that they usually seek from me.  I'm thinking that a "mom unplugged" trip on a regular basis is a necessary tool.
• I really have learned to live FOR my kids and not THROUGH my kids.  I rejoice in their accomplishments, but I know that while their dad and I make sacrifices to help support them, ultimately their accomplishments are THEIRS and NOT mine.  I have my own goals and dreams.
• My surgery last summer laid me up for several weeks, and I discovered that I taught my daughter pretty well when it comes to tending to the home fires.  My son discovered that dad is a great academic mentor and cheerleader.  My husband learned just how challenging it is to "ride herd" on our son and his proclivity for procrastination when it comes to school work.  Now I have a partner in crime when it comes to cajoling and coaching our recalcitrant boy.
• I discovered that I really don't care what others think about how I raise my kids, keep my house, or how long I've had my car.  My husband and I are happy, our kids are happy, healthy, friendly, and law-abiding, my house is comfortable, and my car is just a car.  Isn't that all that matters?
• And here's the biggest lesson of all that I've learned:  I have THE BEST job.  

I know:  not exactly mind-blowing epiphanies, but still, I think I've learned a lot, and I have so much more to learn.  Should be fun!

A Day that Will Live in Infamy

Now that she has returned home, I can announce this.  Just two weeks ago, my daughter and her high school bandmates were here, in Pearl Harbor, representing our state at some of the events commemorating the bombing of Pearl Harbor 70 years ago.  They played solemnly and proudly at the USS Arizona memorial and at the USS Missouri, and they marched in the Waikiki Holiday Parade the day after Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving took on new meaning for these thoughtful and appreciative teenagers.  They have a newly found thankfulness for the blessings in their lives, blessings paid for by the sacrifices made by  those entombed in the wreckage at Pearl Harbor.

God bless our military and their families.

Happy Birthday!

I'm Not Sure Why I Did It

I'm still nose deep in the chaos surrounding marching band season.  The competitive season ends this coming Saturday, but the days leading up are making us all crazy.  I'm in charge of the souvenir program for the upcoming state championship, and my deadline is looming.

I'm not sure why I volunteered to take on this project.  It has been incredibly nerve-wracking.

I shall return.  I promise.  I can't guarantee, however, that I'll be sane when I do.

The Mean Streak

Recently I confided in a couple of close friends of mine that for months.......*sigh*.......(and I dreaded admitting aloud)...........the song has been dead in my heart.

"Horror of horrors!  Say it isn't so, Songbird!"

Yes, sadly, it had been.  Of late, however, the ember has started to smolder.  About a week or so ago, I burst into song spontaneously, belting out Schubert's Ave Maria with all of the emotion I muster during a stirring high holy Marian mass.

I was at home.  Alone.  I was showering.

Perhaps it was in gratitude for making it through my surgery alive.  Perhaps it was, as my more charismatic friends would say, "the spirit moving me."  Regardless, I found my song again.

My iPod is being used again, and my vocal chords have been worked extensively.

Still, I am not yet returning to the choir loft at church.  At my parish, I don't feel welcome there, and the choir director seems to have forgotten me.  At my friend Jim's parish (where he became the music director after leaving our parish), I am welcome, but I don't feel ready yet to make the switch.

I have fallen away from the church of late, but when I DO attend, I sing only a few of the songs, usually quietly rather than robustly.

So, why oh why, did the green monster raise his ugly head when I read on another friend's Facebook status that she was asked to sing at weddings and funerals at our parish, a position that I used to hold but was forced to give up due to circumstances not of my choosing?  I'm happy for her, but in my heart of hearts, I am angry and envious.

I loathe this side of me.  Ugh.

I should swallow my pride and move on, right?  Continue the work I have started on my CD and not look back.

Ahead, the road looks much brighter.

Later daze........